Two weeks ago, I was faced with the daunting task of preparing my Ice Breaker –  the first speech assigned to the members of Toastmasters International.

I’m no stranger to giving speeches. I’m a teacher, an actress, and I’m often the person in my family tasked with reading eulogies, biblical passages, and toasts. I’ve also given countless elevator speeches to a myriad of audiences over the years.

But this time, I wanted to challenge myself. I didn’t want to give a meandering, tired version of my CV.

Hey guys. My name I’m Stephanie, and I’m 33 years old. I grew up in Montreal. I studied Communication at the University of Ottawa. 

And so on.

When I finally sat down to write the outline for my Ice Breaker, I doublechecked the agenda for the upcoming meeting to make sure my name had been added to the list of presenters. At the top of the page, the theme of the meeting was written in bold: The Definition of Happiness.

Without a second thought, I decided to build on this theme to illustrate a more revelatory narrative of my life, thus far.

Curious?

Here’s an edited, written version of my Ice Breaker speech as presented on 29 June 2018 to the Word on Wings (WOW) Toastmasters Club, District 61, Division, G, Area 60, Club 835.

Dear Fellow Toastmasters…

For my Ice Breaker speech, I decided to draw some inspiration from the theme of the day: The Definition of Happiness.

I believe we can learn a lot about people by identifying the source of their happiness. A few years ago, I was forced to take the matter of identifying my own source of happiness very seriously. I had been diagnosed with clinical depression, placed on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills to fill the void that happiness ought to have filled. Realizing I needed to do some serious inner work, I took a solo trip to Vietnam, in order to do some serious reflection on what made me happiest. It was no longer a frivolous, new age pursuit to do so; it was a matter of life and death. 

After a week of quiet reflection, a revelation occurred to me: I was truly happiest when I felt closer to my highest sense of self, without ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. In positive psychology, this feeling is referred to as the “flow state”; what you feel when you are fully immersed in an experience that energizes you and allows for optimal enjoyment. Sitting down at Noi Bai International Airport, waiting to board my flight back home, I was able to clearly identify and write down the three main activities that had consistently allowed me to experience the flow state. 

NUMBER ONE

The first is acting.

I have loved movie and theatre since before I can remember, but I didn’t realize that acting was, in fact, my vocation until later in life. 

Growing up, I was never really encouraged to pursue acting or drama. My high school didn’t have a drama program, so there were no school plays. My parents pushed me towards activities that were more conservative and traditional: piano, tennis, swimming. I didn’t know anything about agents or becoming an actor.  So I simply left my fantasies in my unrealized dreams, where I thought they belonged and went about my life as a non-thespian – until a trip to Paris eventually changed the course of my life.

When I was 25, I traveled to France with my sister and boyfriend. On our third day, we decided to visit the Louvre.

I waded through the crowds until something caught my eye. There, behind a gaggle of noisy tourists, was…

…not the Mona Lisa.

It was James Franco.

My sister, who spotted him first, ran up to him and asked if he was, in fact, James Franco.

He nodded to confirm.

“Omg omg omg omg omg!” my sister squealed, as she made a brief happy dance. “Can we take a picture with you!?”

“Sure,” he replied.

So off I went towards James Franco, handing my camera over to my boyfriend.

I stood next to him, and he put his arm around my waist. In that brief moment,  I was able to quietly observe him. He had shaggy, mussed up hair. He was wearing a dirtyish white Hanes shirt. I got a faint waft of his body odour.

And in that moment, I realized he and I were fundamentally the same (minus the faint body odour part). My hair was messed up, too. My clothes weren’t the best that day. We were both normal human beings; the only difference between him and me was that he took the necessary steps required to bring his dreams of being an actor into fruition. He gave himself a chance.

A few months later, I finally attended my first professional acting class.

When the class was over, I left with a new kind of feeling.

“…oh no. THIS what I’m supposed to do.”

I had felt something truly indescribable during that class – a feeling that could only be described as the flow state. 

If only I had had that reaction to medicine, or engineering or the public service – ugghhh how much easier (and financially secure!) my road would be! But if I wanted to experience what I had felt during that class again-  the flow state – I would be, most unexpectedly, faced with a much more challenging road ahead.

NUMBER TWO

I also experience the flow state when I communicate for the express purpose of creating a positive impact on the person who receives my message. I accomplish this in two MAIN ways: teaching and writing. 

I’m not a traditional teacher, by any means. I favour a collaborative approach to teaching, in lieu of a passive, top-down approach. I also believe it is imperative to get to know each of my students, so I can thoroughly understand them; what their blocks are, what makes them happy, their learning habits and styles, their learning goals, and so forth. When I witness my students develop their confidence, achieve each of their goals and learn something they can empower themselves with – I experience the flow state. 

I also experience the flow state when I write. Now, I’ve always known that writing brings me great joy, and I’ve worked as a professional writer since I was 19.  But when I started my travel blog, Vagabond Heels (now StephanieCocoPalermo.com) in 2009, that experience grew tenfold. Writing posts like What I Learned After Visiting a Spiritual Healer in Bali and The Letter I Wrote to a Stranger in Hanoi allowed me to experience life-defining moments of the flow state; and receiving feedback from readers, who have made decisions or simply enjoyed my stories, has been an extension of that sublime happiness. 

NUMBER THREE

The third, and perhaps the most important are the meaningful moments I’ve spent with people  I love. I say meaningful because I spend lots of time with lots of people I love; however, not all of that time is comprised of meaningful moments, even though it should or can be. Like everyone else, I sometimes take the people I love for granted. But the older I get, the more I am able to recognize the impermanence of life, and how lucky I am to engage in a moment of shared vulnerability with another human being; to experience my father telling me he’s proud of me, and really meaning it; or to simply sit with my boyfriend, watching TV, feeling the warmth of his presence next to me and knowing I am loved, and not alone.

In those moments, I become acutely aware of the present – and acutely aware of how precious and fleeting time is. I find the greatest happiness in these pockets of time, in the company of people I love.

CONCLUSION

Now if you’ve been listening, you know that one of the things that makes me happiest is imparting knowledge that may have a positive impact on others.  If any of you are having trouble coming up with your own definition of happiness, I hope my story will serve to inspire YOU to take on the very important work of identifying those experiences that bring you into the flow state. 

Thank you.

What are the experiences that allow you to feel the flow state? Have you ever given an Ice Breaker speech? Share your thoughts below.